Thoughts - 00

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I don't know what you can call all these things. I don't want to say it's an illness because I think I do it to myself. It's willing I think and if I didn't want it to be this way I could stop. I don't know how it's nice to think about terrible things like this. I always want to have a reason for why I'm like this but I think I should stop trying to expect myself to have an explanation before something can be real.